THE OFFICIAL CHEESE HORDER'S GUIDE TO TALKING TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER ABOUT YOUR CHEESE PROBLEM

Q: How do I tell my significant other that I've been hoarding an ungodly amount of cheese?

A: Approach the conversation with a mix of sheepish guilt and a hint of desperation.

Q: What's the best way to explain my extensive collection of moldy cheddar?

A: Be honest, but don't be too candid. Tell them you're, uh, conducting "research" on the, ahem, effects of time on dairy products. That you're, uh, documenting the natural processes that occur when cheese ages.

Q: What if they ask me to get rid of some of the cheese?

A: Panic. Panic hard. Cite the emotional distress that would come from parting with such a precious collection. Explain that you're a cheese refugee, forced to flee your homeland with nothing but a few blocks of artisanal brie and a tattered dream of a gouda future.

Q: What if they call me a cheese hoarder?

A: Take it as a badge of honor. Explain that you're not a hoarder, you're a curator – a connoisseur of fine fromage, a master of the nuanced and the bold, a lord of the lactose realm.

Seek professional help if the situation becomes too gouda to handle Tips for disguising your cheese stash

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