Coffee Machine 1005

Welcome, plebeian, to the most advanced coffee machine in the known universe. This behemoth of a device can dispense not only the perfect cup of coffee but also a healthy dose of existential dread.

Features:

• Bitter Coffee Mode - For those who enjoy a good dose of despair with their morning coffee.
• Sweet Coffee Mode - For those who have given up on life and just want a sugar-coated escape from reality.
• Synthetic Coffee Mode - For those who prefer their coffee with a dash of artificial flavor and a pinch of regret.

Side effects of using this machine may include:

• Existential crisis
• Uncontrollable rage
• Unshakeable sadness
• Spontaneous combustion (rare but possible)

Use at your own risk. Or don't. We're not really sure.