Coffee Machine 8

Coffee Machine 8: The Abomination

This behemoth of a coffee machine is not for the faint of heart.

It's a behemoth that will make you question your life choices.

But if you're a glutton for punishment, and you want to be served a cup of coffee with a side of existential dread, then the Coffee Machine 8 is the machine for you.

Upgrade to the Coffee Machine 9 for an even more terrifying experience! Or downgrade to the Coffee Machine 7, because why not?

Features:

Makes a mean cappuccino, but at a cost.
Has a built-in existential crisis simulator.
Can brew a cup of coffee in under 10 seconds, but only if you're willing to sacrifice your soul.

Technical Specifications:

Power consumption: 1000 watts (but who's counting?)
Weight: 500 pounds (don't worry, it's not like you'll ever have to lift it)
Dimensions: 10x10x10 feet (because why not?')