Are you tired of the same old coffee shop experience? Do you yearn for a beverage that will make you feel like a functioning member of society? Look no further! The Espresso Decision 9000 is here to help you navigate the treacherous waters of coffee selection.
With our patented, totally-not-patented, totally-not-at-all-licensed technology, we'll guide you through the dizzying array of options and help you find the perfect cup to suit your unique tastes.
But be warned: our algorithm is notoriously picky. Don't say we didn't warn you.
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