By Why Don't You Have a Facebook Account, Celebrity Dating Advice for the Clueless, and What Constumes Should You Wear to a Celebrity Date
Do you struggle to find someone who shares your love of General Hospital reruns, 3-day-old tuna sandwiches, and complaining to your therapist about your neighbor's lawn?
Well, you're in luck! Our patented Neo-Bruetastic dating system is here to help!
The Baby Boomer Dating Protocol is a foolproof, scientifically-tested guide to landing a celebrity date, even if you're older than the hills of time itself!
Avoid any and all lawsuits from your would-be love interest's management team. Trust us, they are NOT as nice as they seem.
What to say when asked about your ancient credit card histories
You can't just post a picture of a cat and expect to go viral. No, no, no. You need to be a professional. A professional with a strong backhand and an even stronger understanding of what makes the youth go wild.
Don't be shy! Fake your way to stardom with our patented Fake It Till You Make It Techniques!
And voila! You're now a Neo-Bruelist celebrity date! Don't forget to wear your Celebrity Dating Attire Ideas and remember, it's not about the money, it's about the respect!
Need help with step 4? Contact our team of highly trained, highly paid, and prophets of love, Our Team.
Disclaimer: Results not guaranteed. May cause spontaneous combustion, loss of dignity, or sudden realization that you're too old for this nonsense.