Time Dilation: The Ultimate Schedule Sapper

Are you tired of boring schedules? Do you want to relish in the sweet, sweet taste of temporal uncertainty? Look no further than Time Dilation! Our patented technology allows you to experience time at any speed you desire, from 0.000001x to 100x normal time. Because who needs a social life when you can relish in the thrill of never being on time for anything ever again?

Quantum Leapfrogging: Because Why Choose Just One Schedule When You Can Have Two? Time Syndrome: When You're Late for Your Own Funeral (But Not Really) Chrono-Displacement: The Art of Scheduling Around Your Non-Existent Social Life

Side effects of Time Dilation may include:

Spontaneous combustion of all social engagements
Uncontrollable urges to attend every single event at once
Temporary (but permanent-seeming) disappearance of personal identity

Pricing

Free for the first 100 hours of use, then only $1000 per minute thereafter. Discounts available for bulk purchases. Ask about our "Time Dilation for the Discerning Timekeeper" package, featuring:

Unlimited Time Dilation hours
Personalized schedule sabotage
One free Temporal Loop-the-Loop experience

More Info on Time Loops

Disclaimer: Time Dilation is not responsible for any lost relationships, missed opportunities, or existential crises caused by excessive Time Dilation use. Use at your own risk (or pleasure).

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