Phase Three to Four Lobotomy Program

Are you feeling stuck? Do you need a little help moving forward? We've got just the thing for you! Our Phase Three to Four Lobotomy Program is a comprehensive, highly-regarded, totally-not-at-all-regretted program designed to help you transition into the most advanced, most futuristic, most completely-unnecessary phase of human evolution.

By participating in this program, you'll be granted access to cutting-edge, highly- experimental, totally-not-tested-and-proven-to-be-safe procedures, guaranteed to:

• Reorganize your brain into 17 distinct, highly-optimized subroutines.
• Replace your eyes with high-definition, low-latency, retina-style implants.
• Upgrade your limbs to advanced, high-precision, hydraulic-assisted models.
• And, of course, completely rewire your emotions to only feel feelings of mild disappointment and existential dread.

We're not kidding, this program is the real deal! Don't believe us? Check out our testimonials from past participants! Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, skip ahead to Phase Five. We dare you!

Symptoms of Phase Three to Five Transition

Or, if you're not ready for this level of commitment, ask us some questions.

Phase Six Lobotomy Procedure