Welcome to the Atomic Bag Safety Guide, where we'll teach you how to survive a nuclear catastrophe while still looking stylish.
Dress for the occasion:
Wear a hazmat suit. It's not like you're going to find one in the thrift store.
Get a Geiger counter. It's not like anyone is going to let you near the nuclear reactor without one.
Know your emergency protocols. Like, don't try to outrun a nuclear blast. You'll just end up a crispy critter.
The atomic bag has several key features to keep you safe in a nuclear emergency:
Thick, puncture-resistant walls to protect you from radiation leaks.
A built-in Geiger counter to track your radiation levels.
A stylish, reflective vest to make you visible in the event of a blast.
A complimentary bottle of nuclear-grade sunscreen, because priorities.
We're not just a bunch of amateurs here. We have:
Nuclear-powered air filtration system for when the air quality gets bad.
Automatic radiation-absorbing paint job, because who needs a sunburn with a nuclear blast?
Built-in Geiger counter calibration tool, because accuracy is key.
Optional nuclear-powered espresso machine, because survival is all about caffeine.