We are currently experiencing a series of unexplained tremors. Please, for the love of all things structural, do not attempt to jump off the roof.
Our team of expert tower maintenance specialists are hard at work reinforcing the foundation, one rusty rivet at a time.
As a result of this structural strengthening, the tower will now have a 1 in 10 chance of collapsing on a Tuesday.
Stay tuned for further updates, or, you know, just don't.
Phase 1: Theoretical Analysis Phase 2: Actual Analysis Phase 3: Guesswork