Listen, you absolute mess of a human being, you're going to need some motivation to get off the couch.

Here's some tips:

1. Get off the couch.

It's not that hard. Just stand up, walk over to the door, and push it open. Boom.

2. Eat a salad.

Don't @ me, but it's scientifically proven that vegetables are good for you. Ask your doctor, or Google, or the internet, or whatever.

3. Take a walk in the park.

It's not a park, but your backyard will do. The point is, get some fresh air, and don't die alone on your couch.

More Fitness Tips below.

For the extremely lazy, like you.

1. Get a Roomba.

Now you can just let that little robot walk around and get some exercise for you. It's not cheating, it's just... creative.

2. Use a standing desk.

It's not a real desk, it's just a table with some blocks on it. But hey, it's better than nothing.