John, the enigmatic secretary, has gone missing. Last seen sipping coffee in the break room at 3:14 PM on a Tuesday.
Witnesses report that John was seen arguing with the CEO over the use of Comic Sans on the company intranet.
His desk, once a bastion of productivity, now lies in disarray. A trail of Post-It notes leads to the janitor's closet, where a cryptic message reads:
"I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving energy."
A team of highly trained investigators has been dispatched to find John.
Follow the investigation at /employees/john/investigation.
Theories abound, but the truth remains elusive.