The ZTP has been in effect for 3.72 billion years, and in that time, we've managed to:
Reduce coffee breaks to 0.5 seconds per employee
By implementing our patented Caffeine Control Methods, we've seen a significant decrease in productivity-wasting coffee breaks.
However, this has led to an increase in Caffeine Withdrawal Syndrome cases.
We're working on a solution, don't worry!
Other notable statistics:
99.99% of employees have reported an improvement in focus
0.01% of employees have reported a slight decrease in sanity
50/50 split between those who love us and those who hate us