We're not just a parking enforcement agency, we're a finely-tuned machine for extracting every last penny from the citizens of our fair city. Our zero-tolerance policy means we'll ticket you for parking within 3 inches of a fire hydrant. Don't even think about it.
| Offense | Fine (in arbitrary units of pain) |
|---|---|
| Within 3 inches of a fire hydrant: $500.00 in small, unmarked bills | $200.01 for each additional inch beyond 3 |
| Within 5 minutes of the meter's "Parking Time's Up" chime: $1000.00 in unmarked bills | $500.00 for each additional minute beyond 5 |
Our motto: "You can't park, you're gonna pay."