Dear Postman, I'm writing to you today as a last resort, because, well, I'm running out of stamps. Not just any stamps, mind you. Special edition, collectible, neon-colored stamps. The kind that make you feel like a boss when you're licking them. But no, not those either. I mean, I'm down to my last, non-collectible, regular, boring stamps. The kind that make you wonder if you're still relevant in the digital age. But, alas, even those are dwindling fast. So here's the deal, Postman. Can you do me a solid and just, you know, mail this letter for me? Or, better yet, can I just get some more stamps? Or, if all else fails, can you at least send a nice, non-sequel-ized postcard with a cryptic message that says "I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry"?
Yours sincerely (and with a hint of desperation),
The Guy Who's Stamps Are Running Out