Welcome to Eureka! Vacuum, where our state-of-the-art technology has reached an all-time high of 90.4% of making you feel like your floor is cleaner than it actually is.
With our patented "Maybe-It's-Clean" algorithm, you can be sure your floor is spotless, even when it's not. Our team of highly trained (and highly caffeinated) engineers have worked tirelessly to bring you the most efficient, most effective, most utterly useless vacuum cleaner on the market.
Learn more about our revolutionary Suction Control Theory, which allows you to control the suction power of our vacuum with the precision of a Swiss watchmaker!
See our extensive catalog of features, including but not limited to: 17 built-in cup holders, 3 built-in bottle holders, and 1 built-in cookie jar!
Don't believe us? See for yourself why Eureka! Vacuum is the answer to your cleaning prayers!
Side effects of using Eureka! Vacuum:
- Excessive floor cleaning may cause dizziness, disorientation, and/or spontaneous feelings of guilt for not having done it sooner.
- May cause sudden urges to reorganize your entire house, room by room, until it's spotless.
- May lead to increased risk of repetitive strain injury from excessive floor scrubbing.