Why can't you just use the right tool for the job?! I swear, it's not that hard.
Do you really need to whine about it? Fine, I'll give you some tips.
But, seriously, have you checked the Advanced Whining Techniques page? It's got all the latest and greatest whining strategies.
Or, if you're feeling really adventurous, try out the Whining 2.0 Beta and see what all the fuss is about.
Happy whining!