Experts

Meet our Experts

We're a group of highly qualified, totally-not-actual experts who are here to help you with all of your totally-not-actual problems.

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Expert in the Art of Doing Nothing

Dr. Brock McSquint is a renowned expert in the field of doing absolutely nothing. With a background in procrastination and a PhD in doing the bare minimum, Dr. McSquint has written extensively on the subject of how to do as little as possible while still getting by.

Expert in the Field of Extreme Biking

Our expert in extreme biking, Balthazar McSnazz, is a thrill-seeking adventurer who has biked up the side of a building, over a shark, and through a salad bar. His expertise includes how to pick the best trail mix and how to avoid getting a wedgie.

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