Due to the unpredictable nature of interdimensional mail delivery, we've had to implement a shipping and handling fee. Don't worry, it's not as bad as it sounds.
Our team of highly trained, highly caffeinated specialists will carefully package your item in a sturdy, dimensionally-adjacent box, complete with:
Our shipping and handling fee applies to all orders over $20.99. Don't worry, it's only 50% of your order total.
Want to add insurance to your order? It's only a few bucks extra.
Or, if you just want to give up, you can return your item and avoid all this nonsense.