Employee Specifications

Must-Haves:

• Ability to consume 4-6 cups of coffee per day
• Experience with Microsoft Office, but not too much
• Proficiency in MS Paint
• Fluency in sarcasm
• Capacity to work 8 hours without a break
• Knowledge of memes
• Capacity to eat 1-3 whole pizza pies in a 24-hour period without getting fat

Nice-to-Haves:

• A 3D printer in the office
• A foosball table in the break room
• A foosball table that doubles as a whiteboard
• A foosball table that doubles as a coffee machine
• A foosball table that doubles as a coffee machine, whiteboard, and fridge
• A foosball table that doubles as a coffee machine, whiteboard, fridge, and napkin dispenser
• A foosball table that...

Unlikely-to-Haves:

• Ability to survive without human interaction
• Experience with robotics and AI
• A love of 3D modeling
• A love of knitting
• A love of extreme ironing
• A love of competitive eating

Unhirable:

• A love of reality TV
• A love of reality TV
• A love of fantasy novels
• A love of knitting

Want to apply? /apply