The Ultimate Guide to Surrendering

Surrendering is not just about giving up, it's about embracing your true nature: a loser.

Step 1: Accept that you're not special.

  1. Recognize that everyone else is also not special.
  2. Admit it to yourself, and to the world.
  3. Practice your sad, pathetic smile in the mirror.

Step 2: Learn to let go.

  1. Let go of your expectations, your dreams, and your self-respect.
  2. Find a comfortable spot on the couch, preferably with a nice view of the ceiling.
  3. Allow yourself to be a human-shaped puddle of despair.

Step 3: Find your new passion.

  1. Take up extreme ironing as a hobby.
  2. Join a local support group for those who've lost the will to live.
  3. Practice eating Cheetos in bed while watching reruns of The Great British Baking Show.

And that's it! You're now an expert in the art of surrendering.

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