The Unofficial Guide to Procrastination, Mandate 1: A Study on the Art of Doing Nothing

By the great Procrastinator, Lord of the Couch, Ruler of the Remote, King of the Browser Tab.

Step 1: Identify the Task

This is the most crucial part of the process. Find the task that you don't want to do. The one that fills you with dread and anxiety.

Example:

• Write a report
• Do the dishes
• Pay bills

Step 2: Create Excuses

A good procrastinator knows that excuses are essential to the craft. Create as many as possible and prioritize them based on their validity.

Example:

• I'm allergic to productivity.
• I'm waiting for inspiration.
• I'm on the phone with my mom.

Step 3: Diversify your Time

Procrastination is not just about doing nothing, it's about doing many things. Diversify your time to maximize your productivity (in doing nothing).

Example:

• Watch cat videos.
• Play video games.
• Read a book (but not a textbook).

Step 4: Create a Schedule

A schedule is not just for productive people. It's a tool to help you procrastinate more efficiently.

Example:

• Set aside 2 hours to watch a movie.
• Take a 30-minute break to scroll through social media.
• Plan out 5 minutes for each snack break.

Copyright 2023, The Procrastinator's Union

Procrastination is not just a hobby, it's a lifestyle.