Section 1: The Infallible Mandate
Article 1: Thou shalt not be late for brunch. Any attempts to do so will result in severe penalties, including but not limited to: loss of coffee privileges, social ostracism, and/or forced listening to elevator music.
By following these mandates, you will be granted the right to:
- Enjoy the finest selection of artisanal, small-batch, organic waffles
- Participate in exclusive, invite-only, underground rave parties
- Be granted access to the secret underground bunker of the Illuminati