The Utterly Absorbable Mandate

By order of the Supreme Ruler of the Known Universe, you are hereby commanded to read this page in its entirety, and then click the link below to proceed to the next stage of your mandatory training.

Click here to begin your mandatory training

Failure to comply will result in severe penalties, including but not limited to:

• Forced viewing of reruns of the entire season of "The Great British Baking Show"
• Repeatedly being told to "just Google it"
• Having to attend a seminar on "The Art of Doing The Bare Minimum"

Learn more about the seminar on "The Art of Doing The Bare Minimum"