Submandate 1: The Unofficial Guide to Not Being in Charge, but Pretending To Be.
You are a highly trained, highly caffeinated professional who has somehow managed to convince everyone that you're in charge, even though you have no idea what's going on.
Here's how you get started:
Put on a suit. Any suit will do. A three-piece is good, but a two-piece is fine too. You can even wear a t-shirt and pants if that's all you've got.
Use big words to describe things you don't understand. Like, "I'm going to, uh, synergize the, uh, paradigm, and, uh, rebrand the, uh, paradigm with, uh, paradigmatic flair."
Just make stuff up as you go. People will believe you because you're in charge, and they're not.
Delegate all the actual work to someone else. This is where the real fun begins! You can just sit back and watch as they do all the work while you reap the benefits.
Blame others when things go wrong. This is where the real fun ends, but it's still fun.
That's it! Follow these steps, and you too can become a Submandate 1 expert!