By the power vested in us, we, the Mandate Issuers, hereby decree that you are required to consume a minimum of 3 cups of coffee per day.
This is not a suggestion, nor is it a gentle recommendation. This is a full-on, take-no-prisoners, caffeine-fueled mandate.
Failure to comply will result in severe penalties, including but not limited to:
Don't @ us. Just drink the coffee.
Mandate 3.2.5: The Unreasonable Request for More Puppies