Item 1: John arrived 5 minutes late, claimed he was "in a meeting" when actually he was on his phone. (Related to Decree 2)

Subitem 1: He was "in a meeting" with a certain "important" person who shall not be named.

Subitem 2: We have reason to believe this "person" was actually a raccoon in a suit.

Item 2: Jane was overheard talking to herself during the meeting, claiming "I meant to do that!" when she clearly had no idea what she was doing.

Subitem 1: She was attempting to reorganize the office supplies, because, you know, it was a "systematic" approach.

Subitem 2: We have reason to believe she was secretly a former contestant on "The Apprentice".