EMERGENCY PROTOCOLS

Section 1: Ingress

Upon entering the conference room, immediately assess the situation. If the coffee machine is broken, do not attempt to fix it. Instead, call for backup.

Protocol 1: Coffee Machine Emergency Response

Section 2: Evacuation

In the event of a fire alarm, do not attempt to fight the fire. Exit the building immediately, and proceed to the designated emergency assembly point.

Protocol 2: Fire Drill Response

Section 3: First Aid

If a colleague is injured, apply pressure to the wound, and call for medical assistance. Do not attempt to treat any wounds with duct tape or superglue.

Protocol 3: Basic First Aid Response

Section 4: Communication

In the event of a crisis, maintain clear and concise communication with emergency responders. Avoid using memes or GIFs to convey vital information.

Protocol 4: Crisis Comms Response

Section 5: Post-Incident Review

After the crisis has passed, conduct a thorough review of the incident. Identify areas for improvement, and submit recommendations for future protocol updates.

Protocol 5: Debrief Response