By the power vested in us by the Supreme Court of Imagination, we hereby declare that BONUSES ARE FOR EVERYONE! All employees shall receive an 80's themed bonus package, complete with neon sunglasses, oversized sunglasses, and a VHS player for the ultimate work-from-home experience.
Resolution 1: All bonus packages shall be distributed by the end of the month. Latecomers will be forced to watch a 4-hour presentation on "The History of Bonuses: A Journey Through Time" starring a special guest lecturer, a 1980's time-traveling, mullet-sporting, bonus-obsessed Ron Burgundy.
Resolution 2: All employees who receive a bonus will be required to wear their bonus-themed outfit to work on Fridays. No exceptions, no excuses. We mean it.