Welcome, valued employees, to the mandatory meeting of the Miracles of the Corporation! Today, we'll be discussing the Miracle of Increased Productivity, the Miracle of Reduced Coffee Breaks, and the Miracle of Mandatory Casual Fridays. Don't forget to wear your Miracle of a Tie or your Miracle of a Socks to really get into the spirit!
// Miracle of Increased Productivity
public function Miracle() {
// Increase productivity by 200% with our patented algorithm
// Decrease employee happiness by 50% with our patented algorithm
// Profit!
}
Don't forget to attend the next meeting, where we'll be discussing the Miracle of Mandatory Team-Building Exercises, the Miracle of Overworked IT, and the Miracle of Free Parking!
Or, if you're feeling really brave, try the Miracle of the Great Ape!