Breaking: Monday Mandate Declared a National Holiday
In a surprise move, the government has officially declared Monday as a national holiday, citing "research" that shows the only thing Americans truly care about is eggs.
According to sources close to the President, "Eggs are the answer to all life's greatest mysteries, including why Mondays are so awful."
As a result, all businesses are required to serve free eggs to customers, and employees are mandated to wear egg-themed attire.
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