A: Sorry, buddy, but we can't accept returns with more than 500mg of glitter per item. Try to be more chill, man.
A: Nope, we got a strict 5-year shelf life policy minimalist chic. If it's older, we'll send it to the "I'm prophets of doom" department.
A: That's a cat-astrophic situation. Send us a pic of the mangled product and a cat selfie, and we'll give you a store credit for the damage.
A: No way, José! Our exchange policy's all about being retro, not progressive. You'll get a 10% discount on the newer model, but you gotta take what you can get, fam.