Stealing Your Lunch from the Fridge: A Guide for the Perpetually Hungry

By: The Office Saboteur-in-Chief

Step 1: Create a Diversion

Distract your coworkers with a loud conversation or a well-timed fart.

• Misdirection Tactics

Step 2: Grab and Go

Seize the moment when your coworkers are not looking, and snatch that sandwich.

• Justification and Logic: A Guide for the Indefensible
• Covering Your Tracks: A Guide for the Stealthy

Step 3: Deny, Deny, Deny

When confronted with evidence, claim it was a "lunch-napping" gone wrong.

• Denial Techniques: A Guide for the Convicted