STAPLE COMPETITIONS - Official Rules & Regulations

Effective immediately, all staplers are subject to the following rules:

• Article 1: No stapling of coworkers' hands without explicit consent.
• Article 2: All staplers must be used only for their intended purpose.
• Article 3: No use of staples to attach Post-it notes to ceiling tiles.

Failure to comply with these rules will result in disciplinary action, up to and including but not limited to, stapler-ectomy.

Penalties for Non-Compliance

Repetitive Offenders will be subject to:

• First Offense: Verbal Warning
• Second Offense: Mandatory Stapler-ectomy Training
• Third Offense: Permanent Stapler-ectomy

Recurring Offenders will be subject to:

• Weekly Stapler-ectomy Meetings
• Monthly Stapler-ectomy Reviews

Extreme Offenders will be subject to:

• Stapler-ectomy Implantation

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