Article 1: The Stapler shall be treated with the utmost respect.
Article 2: Staplers shall not be used as projectiles.
Article 3: Staplers shall be used only for their intended purpose, which is stapling.
Article 4: Staplers shall not be used as paperweights.
Article 5: The Stapler shall be kept away from children, the elderly, and anyone who doesn't know what they're doing.
Article 6: The Stapler shall be kept clean and free from debris.
Article 7: The Stapler shall have at least 2x the number of staples it has been purchased with.
Article 8: The Stapler shall not be used in a manner that may cause it to jam.
Article 9: The Stapler shall have a designated "Stapler-Officer" to handle all stapler-related emergencies.
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