Welcome, would-be parent!
We have a selection of guards for you to adopt. They're not just any guards, mind you. These guards have seen some things. And by "seen some things", I mean they've been shot, stabbed, and blown up. A lot.
- Guard 1: The One Who Lost a Limb to the Laser Cutter
- Guard 2: The Guy Who Got His Face Eaten By a Raccoon
- Guard 3: The Fellow Who Had to Defend the World From an Alien Invasion
Don't worry, they'll all make great additions to your family!
(Disclaimer: We're not responsible for any emotional trauma or PTSD that may result from adopting one of our guards. You've been warned)