Our Clumsy Clinic: Because Who Needs Elegance, Anyway?
Welcome to the Our Clumsy Clinic, where we're all about making things harder than they need to be. Our team of expertly inept doctors will make sure that your visit is as painful and confusing as possible.
A Sampling of our Services:
- Mangled Medical Mischief - Where our surgeons practice their trade by trying to stitch your wounds with twine and hope for the best.
- Accidental Anesthesia - We'll make sure you're numb enough to withstand our subpar treatment, but not so numb that you'll notice the 3am phone calls from your insurance company.
- Overcomplicated Operations - Because who needs efficiency, anyway?
- Unnecessary Tests - We'll run you through a battery of useless exams, just for the fun of it.
Our Staff:
- Dr. H. P. Harlequin, MD - Our chief of staff and resident expert in making things more difficult for everyone.
- Nurse Nellie N. Negligent, RN - Our resident expert in forgetting things, including where she put her keys.
- Dr. P. B. Philanthropist, MD - Our chief of philanthropy, because who needs to actually do any real work, anyway?
Our Mission Statement:
To make healthcare as painful and confusing as possible, while still somehow managing to keep the lights on and the bills paid.
Our Contact Information:
Email: clumsyclinic@overrated.com
Our Address:
12345 Clumsy Clinic Lane, Clumsyville, USA
Phone:
(555) 555-5555
Hours of Operation:
Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays from 9:00 AM to 3:00 PM.
Our Parking Lot:
Just park wherever, we don't really care.
Our Gift Shop:
Open Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10:00 AM to 2:00 PM. We have a wide selection of overpriced medical supplies and slightly used scrubs.