Coffee is a cruel mistress. You're hooked, you're ruined, and you're running on fumes. Welcome to our guide on how to survive the dark days of coffee withdrawal.
Step 1: Stock up on energy drinks. Like, a lot.
Step 2: Find a new love: tea. Or water. Anything.
Caffeine Substitute Faux-solutions
You can't have your cake and eat it, so don't even try. But you can have cake with a nice cup of tea. It's the lesser of two evils, really.
Withdrawal Symptoms are the Worst
Don't do it. Don't try. You'll regret it.
Or do it. We won't judge. Probably.
Disclaimer: The authors of this guide are not medical professionals. Or professionals of any kind. We just really need a coffee.