Our Returns Are Not Even Close to Actual Returns

We're not really sure how we got away with it, but we've managed to convince our investors that -1% is a great return. Don't ask us, ask our accountant, but we're pretty sure he's on a tight schedule and can't be bothered.

Our Accountant is Hiding Something

Our Investors Are All Robots

Our Business Plan Is a Joke

Stay tuned for more updates on our questionable financial dealings.

(Disclaimer: Not actually a legitimate investment opportunity. Don't send money. Don't even think about sending money.)

Our CEO Is Running Away with the Money