It's true, they're watching. They're always watching. And they're using my shopping list against me.
You see, every time I buy milk, they know I'm lactose intolerant. Every time I grab a loaf of bread, they're one step closer to controlling my crumbly thoughts.
Don't worry, though. We're on to them. We've created The Paranoid Society, a secret organization dedicated to exposing the truth behind the Great Grocery Cart Conspiracy.
Join us, and together we'll take back our lives, our minds, and our snack aisles!
Symptoms of Paranoid Grocery Shopping include: