TO: The Unrelenting Forces of Fate

FROM: The Suffering Souls of the Realm

We, the undersigned, do hereby submit this petition to express our deep, abiding frustration with the state of our existence.

We demand that you, the Unrelenting Forces of Fate, provide us with a more comfortable existence, free from suffering, hardship, and existential dread.

We propose the following:

• Regular, reliable access to snacks and beverages.
• A minimum of 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep per night.
• A 50% reduction in the occurrence of Mondays.

Failure to comply with these demands will result in our collective withdrawal of consent, and we will be forced to take drastic, soul-sucking measures.

SIGN THE PETITION