Technical Specs: Because who needs security, anyway?
Our servers run on ancient, unsupported versions of Linux, because why update when it works (sort of)?
We use a custom-built, proprietary version of OpenSSL that we're pretty sure is secure, but let's be real, we're not exactly security experts.
Our database is stored on a floppy disk, because who needs a RAID array, anyway?
We've got a team of expertly trained (in phishing) monkeys who will happily answer your questions, or not.
For bonus points, try to guess our IP address, which is 192.168.0.1