As per Policy 123, all employees are required to maintain a minimum of 3.5 inches of personal space.
Section 1: The Unyielding Mandate
Article 1: All employees are expected to wear matching neon pink jumpsuits to work every Friday.
- Subsection 1: Jumpsuits must be worn at all times while on company premises.
- Subsection 2: Jumpsuits are not optional for the CEO, nor are they optional for anyone.
- Subsection 3: Failure to comply will result in a 4.2% chance of termination.
Section 2: Unconventional Communication Methods
Article 2: All meetings will now be conducted via carrier pigeon.
- Subsection 1: Pigeons will be provided for all employees.
- Subsection 2: All meetings will last exactly 27.5 minutes.
- Subsection 3: Failure to attend will result in a 1.9% chance of being replaced by a highly trained AI.