Our Secure Investments | prophets of profit

We're not a pyramid scheme, no, no,ประก

We're a... well, we're a Ponzi scheme 2.0. With more security features, a new GUI, and a 100% guarantee that you'll get your money back... eventually.

Our secure investments are:

Secure Investment 1: "I'll give you 2x your money back, but only after I pay off my cousin's mortgage."

Secure Investment 2: "Invest in our new line of artisanal, small-batch, hand-crafted Ponzi scheme-themed merchandise!"

Secure Investment 3: "We'll give you a 10% return, but only if you refer 10 of your friends, who also invest with us, and they all get 10% as well, but only if they refer more friends, and so on."

Don't worry, it's totally legit. We're not like those other Ponzi schemes. We're the good guys. With a 100% chance of... well, you know what I mean.