Ponzi Scheme Safety Rules by Bernard Madoff

Rule 1: Don't be a Sheep

Don't invest in any scheme that sounds too good to be true, unless it's actually too good to be true.

Example: If a guy in a three-piece suit shows up at your door with a briefcase full of cash, he's probably not just a "consultant".

Rule 2: Use a Separate Bank Account

Keep your investment cash in a separate account, preferably one that's been frozen by the SEC.

This way, even if you do get scammed, you'll still have enough cash to bribe the right people.

Rule 3: Diversify, Diversify, Diversify (with a Vengeance)

Invest in at least 10 different Ponzi schemes to minimize your risk. It's basic math, folks.

Example: 3 real-estate development projects, 2 pyramid schemes, 3 get-rich-quick schemes, and 2 Ponzi schemes.

Just remember, the key to success is to not get caught.

Advanced Safety Tips Why Bernard is the Best

Disclaimer: These rules are for entertainment purposes only. Do not attempt to follow them. Or do. We won't judge.