Step 1: Find the most boring part of the text and read it first
Why bother with the interesting parts when you can start with the thrilling conclusion? It's like watching a movie and skipping to the ending credits. The anticipation is just as fulfilling!
But wait, there's more! After you've read the conclusion, read it again, but this time with a different voice in your head. Try to make it sound like your grandpa's favorite podcast host.
For added challenge, read it in a mirror while reciting the entire alphabet. Bonus points if you can get the words to look backwards in the mirror!
Step 2: Take every opportunity to look up a random word in the dictionary
Who needs context when you can have etymology? Find that pesky word and spend the next 30 minutes reading about its origins, even if it's not crucial to the plot.
But don't stop there! Read all the related words, and their synonyms, and antonyms, and then wonder if the author even knew what they were talking about...