Speed Reading: A Guide for the Mortally Wounded

Speed reading is not just about reading fast, it's about reading while simultaneously judging people for their fashion choices.

Here are some techniques to help you achieve your new speed-reading goal:

1. Blink While You Read

Close one eye and use the other to scan text at an alarming rate.

2. Use a Flashlight

Hold a small flashlight between your eyes and a book to read in the dark. It's like a reading strobe light, but without the strobe light.

3. Read While Running

Combine the benefits of exercise and reading with the added challenge of tripping over your own feet.

Remember, speed reading is not just about reading fast, it's about reading with purpose and possibly a few broken bones.