Welcome to Remote Control Therapy, where we help you find your true self... or at least, someone who will hold your keys for you.
Our licensed therapists use the latest in remote control technology to help you navigate life's challenges.
Learn how to control your emotions with our state-of-the-art Emotional Regulation Remote Discover how to control your diet with our precision-crafted Nutrient Dispensers Find out how our Relationship Management System (RMS) can help you control who you date and who you marry Because even your socks need controlDon't worry, our therapy sessions are completely confidential... unless you ask us to stream them to your smart speaker, in which case, it's on.
Side effects of therapy may include: improved mood, increased productivity, and an overwhelming sense of existential dread.
Disclaimer: Not actually a doctor, nor a therapist, nor a responsible adult. Do not attempt to use this as actual therapy.
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