Subscribe to the most mediocre utopian society ever created - Premium Membership
Join the ranks of the most unimpressive, underachieving, and utterly unremarkable individuals on the planet.
As a premium member, you'll enjoy:
- Early access to our monthly newsletter, featuring the most uninspired news and announcements from the world of Utokia.
- Special discounts on our selection of bland, mass-produced merchandise.
- A complimentary copy of our best-selling book of unoriginal, rehashed ideas.
But wait, there's more! As a premium member, you'll also receive:
A FREE 1-hour guided tour of our utterly unremarkable museum of uninteresting art, featuring works by the most unimpressive artists in the world.
Or, if you act now, we'll throw in a FREE copy of our exclusive, completely-not-made-of-actual-content e-book, "The Art of Doing Nothing: A 10-Year-Old Man's Guide to Procrastination".
But don't just take our word for it! Read what our current premium members have to say:
"I've been underwhelmed, but not in a good way." - John D.
"I'm not sure what I signed up for, but I think it was a mistake." - Jane S.
Don't miss out on this opportunity to experience the thrill of utter disappointment and crushing ennui. Sign up now and receive a 30-day money-back guarantee. (Just kidding, we're not actually going to refund you.)