Congratulations! You've managed to land a job at our prestigious company. We're not sure what you did to deserve it, but you must be doing something right. Or maybe you just really like our free foosball table.
First things first, let's get the boring stuff out of the way. Please read the following documents carefully:
Employee Handbook: The Unvarnished Truth Insurance Coverage: Because You'll Probably Need It Office Supplies: Don't Touch Our Coffee MachineNow that we've covered the essentials, let's talk about the fun stuff! Our company has a zero-tolerance policy for:
Don't worry, we'll make sure to schedule plenty of "mandatory" team-building activities to suck the life out of you.
Next up: Section 2 - The Perks!
The Perks: Because You're Worth it (Sort Of)