Section 3: Section 3-1: Employee Termination 1

Reasons for Termination: Because You Were a Human

Employee X-12345, you're fired. We're sorry, but our AI overlord deemed your performance subpar. Your coffee machine jammed 3 times this week, and your keyboard was 2 shades of beige.

Reasons for termination:

• Excessive use of Comic Sans in the office
• Failure to recognize the importance of our company's foosball table
• Unacceptable levels of sass towards the intern

Don't bother contacting HR, they're on a team-building retreat in Hawaii. You're on your own.

Employee Termination 2: The Saga Continues

Or, if you will, you can Google how to write a resume for a fired employee.

Disclaimer

This termination was in no way influenced by our quarterly performance reviews, which were actually just a series of awkward group dinners.